1. Marmite—love or hate?
I do not think I have knowingly consumed marmite. I did not much care for vegemite. I do like gentlemen's relish. Ah, the salty goodness of anchovies on toast.
2. Marmalade—thick cut or thin cut?
Thin cut. Thin cut for the love of Dawkins. Have we lived and fought in vain?
3. Porridge—made with milk or water?
I make mine with milk. In the microwave because I live in the 21st Century and not some chocolate box version of a foreign country mis-named Scotland where you have to get up before you were born to make porridge over an open fire with a spurtle.
4. Do you like salt, sugar or honey on your porridge?
My prefered topping for porridge is maple syrup - because a) I live in a globalised economy with ready access to cheap products and produce from around the world and b) I like maple syrup on my porridge. The Captain does not. He likes it plain. He's weird.
5. Loose tea or teabags?
6. Where on your door is your letterbox?
It sort of spans the space between inside and outside. To be frank, I'm thinking of getting rid of it.
7. What's your favourite curry?
Usually either a lamb rogan josh or a lamb green herb, although there is a very good Indian restaurant in Birmingham where they do a rather fine lamb shank.
8. What age is the place where you live?
Built in the 1870's according to the title deeds, making it about 140 years old. Strangely, we are only the third family to live in it, which is nice.
9. Where do the folks running your local corner shop come from?
They are mostly university students, so from all over.
10. Instant or fresh coffee?
I prefer fresh but I have to be careful not to have too much caffeine, like I have today. WhoooHOOO.
11. How far are you from the sea?
Some four miles.
12. Have you travelled via Eurostar?
I have not.
13. If you were going to travel abroad, where's the nearest country to you?
England. I do not recognise the unilateral declaration of independence made by the so called Kingdom of Fife.
14. If you're female (or possible even some males) do you carry a handbag?
I often carry a handbag - I'm helpful that way, if my wife needs me to carry her handbag I will.
15. Do you have a garden? What do you like growing?
I have a small garden that is stuffed full of shrubs. I am working on it's 3rd and 4th dimensions. It needs more flowers.
16. Full cream, semi skimmed or skimmed?
I prefer full cream. My wife prefers skimmed. We compromised on skimmed until the Captain was born, when MLW discovered he needed the cream for the vitamins and now we have full cream.
17. Which London terminal would you travel into if going to the capital?
Depends a lot where I was coming from and which capital I was going to.
18. Is there a local greasy spoon where you live?
Not particularly. I live in a posh bit of Edinburgh. Even the greasy spoons use olive oil.
19. Do you keep Euros in the house?
I currently have Euros, US dollars, Australian dollars in the house.
I also have about 100 billion Euros worth of New Greek Drachma which I unwisely offered to look after for my friend Yanis in case he needed them. They take up a lot of room.
20. Does your home town have a Latin, Gaelic or Welsh alternative.
No, there is no where like Aberdeen.
21. Do you have a well known local artist or author?
How local do you want? I think there are two just round the corner.
22. Do you have a favourite Corrie character?
I like Andrea Corr.
23. Are your kitchen sink taps separate or a mixer?
My kitchen sink taps are a mixer - another product of the 21st century I am happy to adopt.
24. Do you have a favourite brand of blended tea?
25. What's in your attic if you have one?
I have a sort of loft. The pluarality of the volume is taken up by Christmas decorations and the water tank (which I want to get rid of).
26. If you go out for a cream tea, what jam do you like on your scone?
Depends on my mood and what jam is on offer.
27. Talking of scones—scon or scown? Jam or cream first?
28. Barth or bath?
The large container for cleaning small boys or the small Roman city?
29. Carstle or castle?
30. What flavour of crisps do you favour?
Thai sweet chilli
31. If you go to the chippie, what do you like with your chips?
32. Take away, take out or carry out?
33. If you have one, what colour is your wheelie bin?
I do not have a wheelie bin.
34. What colour skips does your local skip hire use?
I neither know nor care.
35. Do you celebrate Guy Fawkes?
I'm not a big fan of catholisism, terrorism, tyranny, state sponsored torture, absolute monarcy, the death penalty, ultra-montainism or treason. So it's difficult to pick a side here. Also, Edinburgh saves its fireworks for Hogmaney and the Festival.
36. Dettol or TCP?
I don't mind, just so long as you don't put coke in it.
37. Do you have a bidet in the bathroom?
No one lives in my bathroom.
38. Do you prefer courgettes or aubergines?
That really depends on what I'm using them for...
39. In the 'real world', do you have friends of other nationalities? Which nationalities?
From memory, English, Australian, USian, Irish, Londoner, German, New Zealander
40. Do you have a holy book of any sort in the house?
In terms of foundational texts of world religions I'm pretty sure there is a Christian bible somewhere and I may still have the Book of Mormon. There may be others. Or none.
41. Do you prefer a hankie or tissues?
42. Are you a fan of crumpets? What do you like on them?
I prefer totty to crumpets.
43. Doorbell, knocker or both?
I prefer knockers to doorbells. (Fuck me, I've turned in to Sid James).
44. Do you own a car? What sort?
I do not. If I did, it would be like I like my women, small, compact and battery powered.
45. What sort of pants do you guys prefer? Y fronts or boxers?
Technically I believe they are called trunks.
46. Anyone still a fan of suspenders?
47. Do you have a favourite quote from the bard?
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.
48. Do you like toasted muffins?
Yes - often as part of a bacon and egg sandwich
49. Do you think a traditional trifle should contain jelly?
I do, but it should also contain plenty of custard and sherry.
50. Do you attend regular religious worship? Of what kind?
I do not. I am a lapsed, or perhaps resting, evangelical atheist.